David James Keaton: At the Movies

David James Keaton is a gem, and while his social media feed is a geyser of wit, his best commentaries involve movies. You can tell that he loves them even when he hates them. He reminds me of Roger Ebert in that way. While I know very little about his upcoming novel, THE LAST PROJECTOR, I suspect it will be at the intersection of his creative genius and lifelong passion for movies, so I cannot wait. With that in mind, here are some random quotes from a recent email thread about Sucker Punch, Man of Steel, and our society having reached maximum Batman. 

DJK: “Sucker Punch is some silly-ass shit. I can’t believe this movie exists. Giant music video slow-mo bullshit.”

FV: “You know those times when someone wanders over to your desk really excited to tell you about the dream they had the night before? And about eight minutes into the meaningless story that won’t end your eyes glaze over? The entire running time of Sucker Punch is exactly like that.”

DJK: “The Star Wars Episode 1 opening in Man of Steel was so silly. Jor-El’s riding dragons, and kung-fu fighting of course, because that’s how scientists roll! And CGI is cartoony liquid bullshit and a blight on movies forever. But I’d forgive all of this if it was entertaining. But this movie acted like it was a church sermon. Holy balls was I bored.”

FV: “I don’t get the Man of Steel hate. We got about a solid hour of attempted character development before we had to pay our CGI tax. It’s not the Superman movie that we need, but the one we deserve.”

DJK: “If I go to a Superman movie, I want to see Lex Luther’s oddly small-scale master plans (“Australia!”) amid some brightly colored romp.”

DJK: “I’m Batmanned out. Don’t they say you can judge a society by the nature of its prisoners? And judge a climate by the mutations of its frogs? And we just had, what, five Batmans in our lifetime? Too many Batmans!”

DJK: “Dawn of Justice? What is this? Aliens Vs. Predator? Pass. Give me Darkman any day.”

Check out David’s collection, FISH BITES COP, and be on the lookout for THE LAST PROJECTOR, forthcoming from Broken River Books. With a little luck, maybe we’ll bitch about movies in a bit more focused fashion next time. 

Fred Venturini

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